Amy-Claire's Fan Fiction- The Mother

18^th March, 2008

Dear Diary,

I know I haven’t written in you for a while, I have been busy trying to find out who I want to be. I have decided  that I want to go to College. The idea was born in my mind at the Luna St Patrick’s party last night.  I found myself taking a sip every time someone talked of their career, or college years. I guess my mind wanted to wash away the self-guilt I held. Needless to say I found myself stumbling home in the rain, wishing there was someone waiting for me in a warm bed, and a new day of excitement waiting to greet me in the morning. Instead I woke to my mind pounding at the door of my eyes, and no bud of excitement ready to bloom. I had to pry myself out of bed to go back to Luna’s to look for Gran’s umbrella, and there it was in a puddle of rain and tears from the night before. Seeing it reminded me of what she would always say “Crisitn, I use this bright yellow umbrella because it is always important to choose brightness in the darkest of times”. So that is why today I am creating my own excitement and setting out to accomplish goals I have always wanted to achieve. I think for the first time in my life, I am going to stop focusing on finding someone to complete me, and instead focus on completing myself.

18^th May, 2009

Dear Diary,

Today was a step towards a bright future. My first day at University was dripping in a new kind of enthusiasm. Something within me just lit up, and I knew that I was in the right place, doing the right thing- funnily enough, my first lecturer had no idea where he was, delivering a whole class on Architecture rather than Economics! It was wonderful to start the day with laughter, but I did feel sorry for him. It was comforting being around thousands of other people evolving a new part of their lives. I found the beginning of my path today, and I know that there will be steep hills, with broken staircases at time, but I am moving forward and that is all that matters. 

11^th January, 2010

Dear Diary,

Sorry it has been a while since I have written in you. But I have been living! (Which translates to studying) I am hardly home, and when I am I lock myself up in my room and read books thick with everything economics, while listening to Belle and Sebastian CDs. Surprisingly I don’t miss my social life, or my search for a stable love life. Which has appeared to be even more of an untouchable reality after hearing that Cindy broke up with a man she was dating, when they realised that they had devoted time to each other, without really knowing anything about the other, or sharing anything in common. I have been there; you fill in the empty spaces with false ideas of who people are, and then one day the illusion crumbles.

 I am in love though, in love with the endless amount of knowledge waiting to be touched, and read and absorbed into a mind that has been starved of it for so long. I have also taken up guitar again, an old love that I missed without realising, and joined a wedding band as their bassist. Looking at where I was a year ago, I am eager to continue growing and being comfortable by myself. I just have to keep moving forward.

“What did you learn from your time in the solitary Cell of your mind? There was noises, distractions from anything good”- Belle and Sebastian- The boy with the Arab Strap

30^th November, 2012

 Dear Diary,

I know it has been a few weeks since I turned all my thoughts into ink, so I will give you an update. Louis finally asked me out, and I now practically live with him. He has soft eyes, and softer hands, but at times his heart is cold. Over the years I have dedicated so much time to finding myself, and although I believe it is a never ending process, I think that I am close to being a complete person. But now I meet people and recognise the same emptiness in their eyes. Louis is one of those half-full souls. I know that he needs to find who he is on his own, but I can’t help but be drawn into his belief that he needs me to complete him. Happiness makes him bitter when he can’t have a drink of it himself. We spend nights talking about the future, but he ends up cutting the ideas at the seams and injecting the night in a negative murkiness. I love him, and would do anything for him. But I believe that I am a cave flower, growing more and more towards the light, while he is still a wallowing weed drinking in the darkness and afraid to move up. I have been where he is and I hope he can find a way out of the dark too, because I cannot shrink back into the cave again, no matter how much I love him. 

20^th August, 2013

  Dear Diary,

I have walked the ever changing path, I have climbed the broken staircases and fixed the cracked pieces of me, all to end up at the top of a mountain waiting for a train in the rain to take me to the next chapter of my life- and I meet a man. Ted Mosby, the man with the wise brown eyes and youthful smile. He was at the wedding that I played at last night. I was captivated by his speech, and recognised him from my first day at university- the lecturer in the wrong place. But this time he was in the right place, and so was I. There was a warmth between us, far greater than any amount of rain could diffuse. Obviously, we have just met, but there was no mistaking that our souls clicked. I do not know what the future holds, whether he will be sewn into it, or be another stop on the route of life. But I am stitched in excitement to find out where the two of us will go together. I am not going to get ahead of myself, but I am no longer in the cave and will not hide from the possibilities life may be offering. Our first date is tomorrow night, I wonder if it will be our last…