Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Lavu Vallabh - Final draft


It’s another day for the man of steel.  He wakes up early as usual and puts on his superhero suit while Lois is already in the kitchen making breakfast. Clark flies to the city to grab Lois some flowers and gets back for breakfast in no time. The food is ready and Louise always makes sure her man of steel is well fed before he begins his day of saving the world. Therefore she goes through the trouble of making bacon and eggs, hash browns, pancakes cereal and porridge. Louise might as well just cook everything in the kitchen. They sit down outside on the deck and enjoy their food and orange juice. The sun shines right across the field leaving the grass burnt and crispy the perfect area for raising a child. He kisses her on the lips and says good-bye. Louise doesn’t work because Clark forces her to stay home and be a housewife. However Lois is unhappy and sad because she was once the worlds best news reporter and now she lives in her own shadow afraid to make a stand against the man of steel. Her friends and family who know of her relationship think that she is in the perfect relationship but she is merely afraid of her own husband. Lois wakes up and makes breakfast, cleans up the house, does the washing and also makes dinner. The two don’t have dinner together because Clark always arrives late. Lois goes to bed by herself most nights and some nights she plays with herself because Clark never has time to satisfy her or is never around. However when they do get intimate with each other the both lack creativity. Lois and Clarks sex life is like a library very boring and nothing exciting ever happens.

3 miles form Lois and Clarks house a new neighbor has just recently moved in. His name is wolverine an ex soldier and superhero. Wolverine was once a member of the X-men and after loosing his wife he went awol. His wife was raped by 3 men and stabbed 15 times. Wolverine tracked all three men and killed them including their families. However this was a long time ago back in 1990 and it’s been 23 years since that incident. Lois welcomes their only neighbor by baking him a banana cake. When Lois arrives at wolverines house the tough and scary man that everyone takes him for simply blushes, as he is shy. He opens the door and welcomes her in and takes the cake and her bag so that she wouldn’t have to carry anything to the kitchen. As they sat down for a cup of tea wolverine was so fascinated at Lois is beauty because it had reminded him about his wife. Lois was admiring wolverines figure and she was talking very fast because she was nervous. She was getting turned just starring a wolverine and in that very moment she forgot about Clark and wanted some sex. However Lois was trying to play it cool because she was unsure if he was interested. Wolverine was blinded by Lois is beauty and the two felt the chemistry immediately. Despite the sexual tension between the two Lois decides to leave as she comes back to her senses and realizing she is in a relationship. As the walk to the door they both reach for the handle and their hands touch and suddenly they both stop and look at each other. Wolverine looks into her eyes and grabs her closer to his body; they kiss and aggressively take each other’s clothes off. Everything has escalates quickly Lois is so lost in the moment she does not stop to think about what she is doing, however as they get more intimate with each other the more she forgets about the man of steel.

When Lois gets home she feels ashamed of what she did but at the same time she can’t stop thinking about wolverine. She’s hasn’t felt like this about someone since her and Clark started dating.  Despite what she is feeling towards wolverine she is feeling guilty of what she did. She cleans the house over and over again trying to keep busy. 

5 comments:

  1. Lavu, I don't even know where to start. I am laughing my ass off, which actually is a nice change, I like your knack for humour. However, personally I think you need to try and INSINUATE rather than blatantly say some of the more... Graphic details haha. (Have you been reading 50 shades of grey?)

    I feel it works best if you leave something to the reader's imagination, while still getting your point across, it makes for a more intriguing story.

    In all, You have some really strong elements here! I hope you do well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hey daniel , yeah i know i am being a little to straight forward but i will progress my work so that the reader can imagine the events of the story. However i hope that the comedic part of the story stands out more then the emotional parts , what do you think daniel??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's a great idea to make a point of the humour rather than emotion, since that is your strength. You are already on the right track for achieving a good balance there, In my opinion :)

      Delete
  3. I agree with Daniel it's great to read a fan fiction with a sense of humour. And you're brave to include a sex scene! haha
    I think this story is a great idea and has a lot of the key elements of good fanfic.
    There are a few spelling issues like how Lois is sometimes Louise? But spell check should sort those out.
    I look forward to reading it!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well this was a nice surprise LOL. I think its funny and I like how you portray the 'perfect couple' as having so many problems in their marriage, makes the story more believable. I have no problem with the sex scene though it does seem kind of random and thrown in there so the readers can get some action, would be good if you took the time to lead into it more, build up the atmosphere a bit. Nice one. :)

    ReplyDelete